That clear sign

Have you ever felt so lost that you just didnt know what to do, and youre too tired to keep on running from your problems? I felt that last night. Last night was the ultimate bombshell that landed straight in my face. It was a huge slap, okay okay im making it all dramatic when in actual fact it is not. hehehe

Okay point is, i felt so lost and i was hurt but i didnt want to tell anyone, i didnt want to give such a bad impression on anyone for that matter. I prayed silently and i kept on praying, i even tweeted "Ya Allah please give me a clear sign, i feel so lost..." and my dear brother replied to my tweet, mentioning a video on his facebook wall about that- signs from Allah. Its actually a video from Maher Z's song, Open your eyes.



So i watched it and got teary eyed. Zaim was next to me and he asked.."Faham tak??"

HAHAHA

In which i wiped a lonely tear away and shook my head, still not getting the clear picture of the video.

So the message was that Allah DID give him a sign, a crystal clear sign, and THAT got me teary eyed. He listens to our prayers, regardless. No matter how bad we were, no matter how we tend to forget Him at times, He never fails to listen to our prayers, the ones deep in our hearts.

And last night I wasnt at all lonely, i went out with Titi and Yivonn and we had drinks over at Berky and sometime around 10 they came over and we hung around in my bedroom like a couple of teenagers, laughing and telling stories back in the old days, discussed about handbags and our level of tolerance for bags costing xx HAHA now THIS is crazeh!--,talked about future plans- not that much, we pretty much crap about---other stuff? Hahahahaa Oh i cant wait for Traders night! Or maybe Ascott? Ngeheheeee..

I love them to bits. They stayed over right until 1230am, can you believe that?? I have never felt happier, felt so relaxed, and as i look over the gate, watching them leave, i felt so thankful that i have these kind of friends. Who knows my worst behaviours and still accepted me for who i am, who can still call me annoying but still love me nevertheless (i know you doooooooooo! HAHAHAHA) and could listen to my endless rants and complaints and random thoughts, STILL label me one heck of an overthinker but still listens anyway. Hahahaha..

And then this thought crossed my mind. I want to be with someone whom i can call my best friend too. I know Haf and I were like that once upon a time ago but apparently the distance kept us on a rollercoaster. Yivonn said that the distance is a test. She's been through it so she knows. And her love for Vivi seems stronger everyday. Awww....

So back to them signs--

After the girls left, i prayed and i prayed for a sign. A CLEAR sign that will help me go through this. I slept soundly after that and woke up almost automatically, must be the habits from waking up early to go to work. hehehe

And then i cleared the kitchen, helped around the house, washed my bedsheets, and took out my cereal bowl for breakfast. Mama was still in the kitchen so i hung around the living room and turned on the tv. As i was surfing the channels wanting to watch something that wont boggle my mind early on a Sunday morning, i came across astro Oasis, soal Asyraf? I think he is the Imam Muda that we all know of. Or maybe Zaims knows?HEHEHE

And then i heard it. Crystal clear. THAT word. THAT topic.

I laughed.

And then i glued myself to the screen and listened to his every word.

Allah gave me this sign, a CRYSTAL clear sign, just that He wants me to think about it and make a decision. The topic was direct, it seems like He guided me the whole morning and landed me on that channel, a channel i never tune in unless i needed to know the prayer times.

Alhamdulillah.

The sign may be there but i am more relieved and thankful that He listens.

He answered my prayers.

And thats why i kept on praying to be a better muslimah.

I am FAR from perfect, i am NOT a saint, i know i committed an amount of sins only He is aware of.

But He still listens. And with that, i know that I need to change myself. Change myself before i expect others to change. Walk on the right path before asking someone to join me in that path.

Because it starts within yourself.

Dont expect others to change if you yourself cant be bothered to change.

I know that all this are His doings,  and we are merely living in His world, this world, in a short span of time.

Our goals in life needs to be adjusted. Revisited.

InsyaAllah.

My parents are going for Hajj, Alhamdulillah, and I am extremely happy for them. And of course...this came along..

"Mommy can you please doakan for me? Can you please pray for me ............"

And the list goes on.

Hahahahaa

I got this from an Islamic tweet's tumblr:

InsyaAllah.

And another photo taken in the surau in Melati college back in UiTM, fits the situation perfectly:

Alhamdulillah.